Empower Your Toddler With a Visual Schedule

Have you ever thought about the sheer lack of control toddlers have over their day?  They are typically told when and what to eat, what to wear, how to act, when they can be loud, when to be quiet, when to sleep, when to wake up…the list goes on and on and on.  We literally control every single aspect of their lives.  Is it really any wonder that toddlerhood often brings tantrums?  At this time in their life when our growing babies are yearning for ever-increasing independence, most parents are yearning for compliance.

If you have been around me at all, you’ve probably heard me utter the term “respectful caregiving.”  Respectful caregiving involves viewing babies and children differently than the mainstream and it warrants its own blog post (or many blog posts!) with details and examples.  That post is in the works!  In short, what respectful caregiving means to me is viewing children as whole people from birth.   While this includes many things, a few of them are: including them in age-appropriate decisions and day-to-day happenings, explaining everything that is going to happen to them, treating them the way you would want to be treated, and accepting and empathizing with their feelings.

One way to put respectful caregiving into action is to provide your toddler with a visual schedule of their day.  Knowing what is happening “next” helps young children make smoother transitions through the day and gives them a sense of control over their lives.  Stella thrives when she knows our plan for the day.  This is especially true if we are going to be doing something out of our normal routine, but even on the days we are staying home, she does best when we talk about what we’re going to do.  For all of these reasons, I decided to create a visual daily schedule for her.

I totally obsessed over how I wanted to do this for waaay too long instead of just getting it done so we could start using it!  I’m pretty detail-oriented (obsessed?) about certain things and that can be a blessing at times and a major pain at others!

Anyway, I used Pages to create an 11×17 document for the layout of the day.  I had it printed in Holton at Marketing Concepts — it is great quality and the price was very, very reasonable!

I used Google Image Search to find clipart, created the activity/routine cards in Pages, and  printed all of the the cards on photo paper.  I laminated everything, cut out the activity cards, and applied Velcro dots.  I laminated an extra 11×17 sheet of paper to store and display the activity cards that aren’t in use. I will probably have to use the back of it, too, because there are at least twice this many cards!

Here’s the finished product:

I forgot to print a “Breakfast” card!  Grrr!  Of all the cards I made, I forgot the one that starts our day!  Part of me wanted to use an entire sheet of photo paper and a laminator sheet for ONE card (there’s that obsessiveness!).  Don’t worry, I talked myself out of being so wasteful and decided to just wait until I have something else to print and laminate 🙂 Until then, it WILL drive me nuts!

I anticipate Stella loving this!

Painting with Textures

Today, we had fun painting with different items I found around the house — a rubber basting brush, empty toilet paper roll, loofah, and a regular paintbrush.  Stella loved this!  I offer paint pretty often, but she usually doesn’t show much interest.  If she does, it’s only for a minute or so.  She stayed engaged in this for much longer.

She was really interested in learning colors a month or so ago, picked it up pretty quickly, and has been spontaneously naming every color she sees since then.  I gave her blue and yellow paint for this activity and she began noticing excitedly that it was turning green when she mixed them.  It’s really amazing what kids can learn all on their own when you let them lead.

Her “Little Helper Stand” is coming in so handy!  She loves standing on it whenever we are in the kitchen.  Whether she’s playing, helping, or eating, it gets a lot of use!

A less messy painting option is watercolors.  I wouldn’t have thought to use watercolors with a young toddler, but my mom has been letting Stella play with them at her house and she seems to really enjoy it.  I’m going to get some for her to use at home.  My mom adds a couple of drops of water to the colors so Stella just has to dip the paintbrush in.  Oh…and if you’re picky about the watercolors getting mixed with different colors in the container…well…you might have to get over that first 🙂

Sensory Play: “Doesn’t she put that in her mouth?”

I post a lot of pictures to my Facebook page of Stella engaging in sensory play.  I try to offer some form of sensory play every day (it doesn’t always happen though) and I enjoy sharing what we do to give other parents ideas.  In almost every picture’s comment section, you’ll find someone asking a variation of, “Doesn’t she put that in her mouth?” or “How do you keep her from eating that?”  It’s a common question and a valid concern, so I decided to go ahead and blog about it.

Soapy water and a whisk (7.5 months).

To answer the question, yes, Stella puts things in her mouth.  In fact, she puts almost anything into her mouth that she can get her little hands on!  Mouthing is a typical (and good!) baby behavior because it is one of the important ways they learn about their world.  Putting objects in her mouth helps a baby discover obvious things, like taste and texture, but also not-so-obvious things, like size and shape.

Because mouthing is an important part of babyhood, and because I believe it’s important to avoid constantly telling a baby, “no,” I don’t offer a lot of things to Stella that I’m not comfortable with her putting in her mouth.  That being said, my comfort level may be different than yours…and that’s okay!  I’m comfortable with her putting most of our sensory items into her mouth.  Some of these things include:

-Play dough (I make ours, so I know exactly what’s in it)

–Dry rice

-Salt (to a certain point, anyway)

-Flour

-Paper/cardboard (until it becomes soggy and could break off in her mouth)

I haven’t always been comfortable with babies putting things in their mouths.  Even after learning about the importance of letting babies explore with their mouths, it took at least a year of working with babies every day at an early learning center for me to actually feel comfortable with it.

How did I become okay with it?

I had to be mindful of my feelings and question whether I was redirecting a child from putting something in their mouth because it was actually a safety issue or simply because I didn’t want them to (for any number of arbitrary, often unnecessary reasons).  I did this by pausing before I said, “That’s just for your hands,” and asking myself, “Why not?”  (Asking yourself, “Why not?” before reacting to something your child is doing can be a powerful tool in lots of areas, but more on that in another post.) If I couldn’t think of a really good and legitimate answer to “Why not?” then I didn’t redirect.  Instead, I just went with it.  “I bet that play dough tastes really salty.”  “How does that flour feel in your mouth?” “That rice is probably kind of hard, huh?”

Playing with dyed rice and stacking rings (7 months)

Just because I allow Stella to explore things with her mouth, doesn’t mean I would let her eat a handful of salt, rice, play dough, etc.  I’ve offered sensory experiences since she was a tiny infant — I think we were playing with rice by the time she was three months old (I didn’t let her put sensory items in her mouth until after she started solid food at six months though), so she has had a lot of exposure to it.  Often, she will put something in her mouth a few times and then she’s satisfied (because I let her actually have the experience) and will just use her hands.

Rice play at 4.5 months. Feet don’t have to be excluded from sensory play!

Even though I feel comfortable with Stella exploring a lot of things with her mouth, there are obviously some things I can’t allow for safety reasons (mostly choking hazards) — water beads, dry beans, rocks, etc.  In cases like these, I just do lots (and lots, and lots, and lots) of modeling and redirecting when necessary — “These are just for your hands.”  “Keep them out of your mouth.”  “Look how we can…(squeeze these water beads, drop these rocks, scoop these beans, etc.).”  It takes a lot of patience.  I also don’t offer these types of sensory experiences unless I am going to be right beside her the entire time to help her keep them out of her mouth.  Not cleaning up the kitchen with her on the floor nearby.  Not visiting with a friend.   Not checking Facebook.  RIGHT BESIDE HER and actively engaged, making sure it’s not going in her mouth.

Stella exploring water beads.

If you want to offer sensory experiences and want to allow your child to mouth things, but aren’t entirely comfortable with it yet, you could start out by acknowledging what they’re doing — “You’re putting the play dough in your mouth.  I bet that tastes salty.” — and then try to gently redirect — “I’m going to roll my play dough into a ball.  Oh, that’s neat!  Now I’m going to squish it!  Do you want to try!?”  This way, you’re not denying them their experience or telling them, “no,” but you’re also attempting to get them engaged in a way you’re more comfortable with.

It can take a lot of exposures to sensory play before a baby or toddler will avoid putting the objects in their mouth and actually use her hands to play with it instead, but it’s so worth it!  Remember, they can’t learn if they don’t ever have the opportunity!

So, is your jaw still dropped from reading that I let my 8-month old put play dough in her mouth?  It’s okay; I’m used to people thinking I’m a little crazy when it comes to babies 🙂 A few years ago, I would have thought the same thing!  Just give it a try — it may surprise you how quickly your baby can learn!

Sound Boxes — a do-it-yourself toy for baby!

I saw this cute little idea over at Carrots Are Orange and just had to get in on the fun!  I bought some small boxes at Hobby Lobby for $0.99 each and filled them each with various things I already had around the house and then used my hot glue gun to seal them.  I used pasta shells, rice, pennies, cornmeal (I wanted one with a “soft” sound), and peppercorn, but you could use anything.

I still need to drool-proof them with some clear packing tape, but I would like to paint them each a different color or mod-podge some pictures of family members on them before I do that.

Sound boxes are a great sensory toy because your child can explore the different sounds that each box makes….bonus points if you talk to them about the different sounds, too!  Sound boxes also teach cause and effect — baby learns, “when I shake this, it makes noise!”

This was probably the easiest “DIY” project I’ve ever done.  Give it a try and let me know what you think!

The Baby’s In Charge: a look at baby-led scheduling

After Stella was first born, I spent hours Googling “stay at home mom schedule.”  Most of the results that came up seemed unattainable (translation: those moms were way more motivated to do housework than I am), or they otherwise just weren’t quite what I was looking for.  Then, I started comparing my stay-at-home-mom schedule to the schedule I had for my infant/toddler classroom when I worked in Manhattan, and it looked nothing like that either.  I started to feel like I was failing until, finally, I realized I was being a little bit ridiculous.

If any other parent were to ask me what their schedule should look like, I would tell them that their family is unique and their routine should be, too.  It should fit the needs of their particular family and it should be whatever works for them – not necessarily what works for another family.  I decided I should probably take my own advice.

One of the most important things to me as a parent is following my baby’s lead.  That’s why instead of having a specific daily schedule, we have a basic routine which is eat-play-sleep.  That’s the definite part of our routine that we follow every day; the stuff that happens in between each of those basic categories depends on how I’m feeling, what plans (if any) we might have for the day, and, most importantly, Stella’s cues.

We know that babies thrive on consistency and stability, so it can be overwhelming and stressful when you feel like maybe you’re not being consistent enough by, say, sticking to the same rigid schedule every day.  I’m here to tell you that you can relax, because rigidity (does anyone else have a hard time pronouncing that word?) isn’t what your baby wants either.  Babies want their needs met.  Plain and simple.  If you try to stick to a very rigid schedule, but your baby gets hungry an hour sooner than you planned, she’s not going to be a very happy camper if you don’t let her eat because you don’t think she’s “supposed” to be hungry yet.  She doesn’t understand why, despite her attempts to communicate, you aren’t meeting her needs.  Your baby’s sense of stability and consistency isn’t fulfilled through a strict schedule or routine, but more so through the consistent meeting of her needs and the love she feels from you, both of which help her develop a feeling of general well-being.

Sometimes I hold Stella while she naps.  Sometimes I feel like I need to get things done, so she naps by herself while I do laundry, shower, or pick up the house (or write this blog post).  Usually, she wakes up at 7:30 a.m., but sometimes she doesn’t wake up until 8:30.  Her morning nap can range anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours.  Sometimes she loves playing on a blanket on the floor, and sometimes she would rather be held.  My point is, there are a lot of variables in our day.  The consistency of Stella’s day lies in knowing that I will always meet her needs and also in her eat-play-sleep routine — when she wakes up, I nurse her and change her diaper, we play or otherwise go about our day (but, I do try to save cleaning, etc. for nap time so most of her awake time is spent playing), she sleeps, and then we start the process over again and continue it until bedtime.

Stella happily playing with a ball after having a nap and getting a full tummy!

Basically, a baby-led schedule simply involves watching for and responding appropriately  and consistently to your baby’s cues — that’s what works best for us and what I believe is best for my baby.  What kind of schedule or routine do you find works best for your family?  Do you have questions about a baby-led schedule?

Supporting Development Through Rice Play

One of Stella’s favorite things to do lately is play with rice.  In fact, it has even solicited giggles the past couple of times we’ve done it!  In case you’re new to sensory play, I thought I would give you an idea of what this experience typically looks like with my four month old.

I don’t have a sensory table yet (though the hubs is working on building it!), but she would be too small to reach it right now anyway.  For now, I’ve been just keeping the rice in the tub that I store it in while we play with it. I usually set up the experience while she’s napping.  All it involves is spreading a blanket on the floor to catch the runaways and setting the tub of colored* rice on it. Pretty easy.  Sometimes, I place a mirror nearby which just adds another level to the play by letting her see what she’s doing as she explores.

A few minutes spent playing with dry rice in a plastic tub covers all of the following aspects of development:

-Language and Communication – narrating the experience during play supports baby’s language development; responding to baby’s noises and facial expressions helps baby learn how to communicate her needs

-Social and Emotional – watching for and responding appropriately to the baby’s cues lets baby know she’s important and facilitates a trusting relationship with the caregiver

-Cognitive – babies use their senses to explore the world around them – this particular sensory experience provided stimulation by way of touch, sight, and sound

-Physical – kicking her feet in the rice and grasping it with her hands works on motor skills

When she’s ready to play, I sit down on the floor with her, show and talk to her about the tub of rice, and then help her touch and play with it.  These are the things I would typically say as I help her explore the rice (and, yes, I sometimes feel a little silly, but all of the conversation/explanations are important in facilitating her development):

– “Do you see the red rice in the tub?  Would you like to play with it?”

– “Let’s take the lid off so we can touch it.”

– “Oh! It feels kind of cold and grainy!”

– “Would you like to touch the rice? Do you like the way it feels in your hands?”

– “Would you like to see how feels on your feet?  I’m dropping it onto your toes! Oh, that made you smile!  You must like the rice on your feet!”

– “I wonder what it sounds like when we drop it.  Oh, it kind of sounds like rain, doesn’t it?  That’s neat!”

– “I see that you’re starting to get upset.  Are you all done playing with the rice?  Okay, we can do something different.”

At this age, I obviously facilitate the play and guide her through her it, actually doing most of the things myself and for her.  As she gets older it will be easier to follow her lead during play. It’s still important right now, though, to read her cues and try to follow them.  For example, if she seems to like feeling the rice on her feet, I keep doing it (and talking about what I’m doing) until she seems disinterested.  If I do something that she seems to dislike, I acknowledge what she’s doing that tells me she doesn’t like it (i.e. “You’re making a mad face, so you must not like that.”), stop what I’m doing, and try something different.  Aside from helping her figure out how to communicate effectively, following her cues also lets her know that I respect her, that she’s valuable, and that she can trust me.

By narrating everything I’m doing, I’m aiding Stella’s language and vocabulary development by letting her hear all kinds of different sounds, figure out that there is meaning attached to words, learn how words are strung together to make a sentence, etc.  When I talk about how she is feeling or what she is doing, I’m again letting her know that she is important while also giving her the correct vocabulary so that she can eventually describe her actions and emotions herself.  This will be important, because children who are able to accurately describe what they are feeling with words are less likely to act out on their emotions by displaying challenging behavior.

Bottom line: Sensory play is awesome.  If you don’t give it a try for the developmental reasons, then at least consider doing it for the giggles 🙂

 

 

*To make colored rice, I use 3-4 tablespoons rubbing alcohol mixed with several drops of food coloring, stir it into dry rice until it is coated evenly, and then spread it out to dry.

Sensory Play…It Makes Sense (repost)

*This is a post I wrote for my old blog that I’m re-posting.

 Picture this: Ten kids under the age of six in bare feet and underwear, skating on shaving cream on the kitchen floor, falling down, getting back up, laughing and squealing! This was the scene I encountered upon entering my father-in-law’s house not too long after my husband and I met.  At that moment, all I thought was, “Ah, yes…this is totally the right family for me!”

By engaging in play that utilizes their senses, children (at any age) are using scientific inquiry.  To an infant or toddler, everything is new, so lots of questions develop which leads to exploration.  The child explores objects and materials using his senses, gathers information about them, and attempts to answer his own questions. 

Not only does sensory play create connections in your child’s developing brain, but it also serves as a calming mechanism and can help children release emotions that they may not yet be skilled enough to sort out verbally.  For example, the process of scooping and pouring a substance can feel very calming and relaxing (water, rice, sand); squeezing and pounding a material can help release anger and frustration (playdough, clay).

Consider this:

You hit the power button on your TV – it won’t turn on.  “Hmmm,” you think, “that’s strange.”  If you’re like me, you probably continue to hit the power button, harder each time, hoping it will eventually work.  It still won’t work so you follow the power cord and realize it is not plugged in. Duh.

When a toddler displays challenging behavior (biting, hitting, screaming…), I typically first ask myself if they have had enough access to sensory play (by first, I really mean after I stupidly keep trying whatever I am trying in the first place that isn’t working).  Often times, I find a connection between a lack of access to sensory play and the challenging behavior.  In this way, I liken sensory play for a young child to a power cord for a TV — just like the TV cannot properly function without the power cord plugged in, a young child cannot properly function without opportunities to engage his senses.  If your toddler is driving you over the edge with challenging behavior, consider implementing some sensory play into her day and see if you notice any differences.

That day in the kitchen, my nieces and nephews weren’t just participating in what will become an awesome childhood memory for them, but they were also creating valuable connections between pathways in their developing brains.  The feeling of soft, foamy shaving cream between their toes; their feet sliding around on the smooth, slippery floor; the fresh, musky scent; the sounds of laughter around them — the kids were engaged in a meaningful activity full of lots of sensory input — two things that are very conducive to appropriate brain development.  AND…the kitchen floor got a good “mopping” in the process!  See?  Good for everyone!

So go ahead…engage those senses and have some fun!  Your kitchen floor needs cleaned anyway, right?

A few of my favorite sensory activities (it was hard to narrow my list down to a few!):

— Cornstarch + Water (touch) — this is just pure awesomeness…is it a solid or a liquid?! Try it.  You’ll love it, too.

— Texture Collage (touch):  gather materials of various textures (cotton balls, sandpaper, ribbon, beans, etc.) and let your child glue them to a piece of cardboard.

— Coffee Sand (touch and smell): mix coffee and sand together = fun texture and yummy coffee smell.

— Flubber (touch): Click here for recipe.

— Colored Rice (sight, sound, and touch): Mix a few drops of food coloring with a teaspoon or two of rubbing alcohol and add it to uncooked rice.  Let it dry and then get to playing!

— Plain Water (sight, touch, sound): add measuring cups for scooping and dumping, wash clothes and dishes for “washing,” water wheels, sponges…the possibilities are endless!

Links to other great sites with wonderful sensory ideas:

Lekotek: Sensory play ideas from Lekotek, complete with recipes. 

Mommy Poppins: This site has 99 great ideas for sensory activities. 

What’s your favorite sensory activity?

“I was spanked and I turned out fine!” Uh…let’s talk.

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” -Martin Luther King, Jr.

I have a strong opinion on spanking. It’s something that matters to me. I have been meaning to write a post about it but have been putting it off because I know it’s a highly controversial parenting practice and, to be honest, I’ve been afraid of how people would respond. Too often, I stay silent about things that matter to me because I don’t like to argue or upset anyone. With yesterday being Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I saw the above quote multiple times and made a pact with myself to be more vocal about “things that matter.” I decided it’s time to put my fear of being ridiculed aside and advocate for kids like my education should compel me to do.

In church last Sunday, (in a sermon totally unrelated to spanking) my pastor mentioned that when he used to be a youth pastor, their goal was to “scare the hell” out of the kids. They would have them watch videos, tell them stories, etc. that would basically scare them into believing in God and following His word. He was recalling this practice with an attitude conveying he knew it was no longer considered a useful way to teach children. He said, “It worked.” Then, he held up his hand and spaced his thumb and forefinger about an inch apart, “For about this long,” he said.

“Yes,” I thought. “Exactly.”

We no longer teach with fear anything we expect children to learn. Would you use fear to teach a child to read? What about math? Do you think scaring a child would make him learn his multiplication facts? Is that how you would want to be taught? No, of course not. Had I been taught that way, I would have hated school and resented my teachers.

We expect everything else — reading, math, science, social studies, art, religion — to be taught with kindness, compassion, understanding, patience. This is interesting, because the way we want our children to be taught is also what we expect their behavior to reflect — kindness, compassion, understanding, patience. So why then, when it comes to children’s behavior, do we, the adults, often lash out in a manner that contradicts the very way we actually want our children to behave?

I would argue that people do it because they are simply uneducated and inexperienced in appropriate and effective discipline practices for young children. I think many people spank because it’s how they were disciplined as children and it’s what they know how to do. It’s the “quick and easy” solution; it requires little thought.  Do I think parents who spank their kids are mean-spirited? Bad parents? Ruining their children? Of course not. I think most parents who spank genuinely believe they are doing the right thing for their children and I understand that mindset.

But, I also believe, based on evidence-based research and my own education of child development, that there are more effective ways to discipline a child than spanking and that spanking can do more harm than good.  Please don’t misunderstand.  Discipline is very important.  Our society just needs to understand that “discipline” is not synonymous with “spanking.”

I have outlined below some reasons why spanking is an undesirable and ineffective form of discipline:

1.  “Spanking” is a euphemism for “hitting.”  People call it “spanking” because it justifies the act for them.  They are conscious of the fact that calling it “hitting” would sound terrible.  It is what it is, no matter how instructive you try to make it sound.

2. Spanking says, “It’s okay to hit.”  It’s unreasonable to spank your child, yet expect her to not hit others.  Children mimic the behavior you model.

3.  Spanking too often leads to abuse.  Since spanking does not work to change behavior, parents often feel that since it’s not working, the solution is to spank harder.  Continuing with that cycle, spanking or hitting often gets out of control and results in abuse.

4. Spanking teaches compliance through fear, not responsibility — “It’s not wrong if I don’t get caught.”

5. Spanking doesn’t work.  It may seem to work in the moment, but the disciplinary effects of spanking are not long term.  The emotional effects, however, can be.

Consider this scenario: A five year old child, Johnny, is interacting with another child, Billy, on the playground. Johnny gets upset about something and, because young children lack impulse control, he hits Billy, knocking him to the ground.

Let’s pretend for a moment that Johnny is a child who is disciplined by being spanked. He has learned that certain behaviors are wrong only if an authority figure witnesses them. After hitting Billy then, Johnny quickly looks around, realizes no one saw him do it, and leaves Billy on the ground crying while he runs away to play with something else, happy he didn’t get caught.

Now let’s pretend that Johnny has been disciplined using positive discipline.  His parents have talked with him about his actions and emotions and have helped him understand right from wrong.  In this case, when Johnny hits Billy, his moral code tells him he has done something wrong.  He walks over to Billy, apologizes and helps him up.

The child in the spanking scenario is different from the child in the positive discipline scenario because he doesn’t understand why his actions are wrong.  He thinks he has done something wrong only if he gets caught. The child in the positive discipline scenario, while still acting with the lack of impulse control of a five year old, understands his wrongdoing after he hits the other child and makes an effort to correct his behavior.

I think it’s worth repeating — “spanking” is not synonymous with “discipline.” There are many ways to discipline a child that do not include spanking. Here are a few:

1.  Use natural and logical consequences.  An example of a natural consequence would be, if a child throws a ball over the fence, he doesn’t have the ball to play with anymore.  An example of a logical consequence would be, if a child dumps his milk on the floor, he has to help clean it up.

2.  For the very young child, redirection works well.  A young child cannot relate a punishment, like spanking, to whatever they did to receive the punishment.  It doesn’t make sense to them.  For example, let’s say a one-year old is playing with something he shouldn’t be.  Your best bet is to remove the child from the situation and direct them to something they can play with.

3.  Talk about it.  Explain to a child what they have done wrong.  Give them words for their emotions so they can learn to use words instead of actions.  For example, a three year old pushes another child out of anger.  You can say to the child, “I can see that you are angry, but it is not okay to push.”  Help the child find the words he needs to convey his feelings.

4.  Use positive guidance.  Instead of constantly punishing a child for doing wrong, notice what she does right.  Your children want to please you.  Help them know when they are doing so and they will strive toward that kind of behavior more often.

5. Model the behavior you desire.  You simply cannot expect your child to display behavior that you, yourself, do not model for him.  If you want your child to be kind to others or use a quiet tone of voice or eat their vegetables, you have to first show them what those things look like.

Maybe you agree with me, maybe you don’t. That’s okay. We all have our own personal opinions and I’m not asking you to abandon yours. I’m just asking you to set aside any defensiveness you may feel or emotions you may have surrounding the topic and look at the facts, the research. Don’t take my word for it. Consider the educated opinions of those who have dedicated themselves to researching how a child’s brain works and how a child learns, like Dr. Sears or the American Academy of Pediatrics. I strongly recommend Dr. Sears’ articles, “10 Reasons Not to Hit Your Child” and “Top Ten Discipline Principles.” Also, click here to browse through many other articles on the topic of discipline.

Tell me how you feel about spanking and why you feel the way you do. But, be warned — any reasoning similar to, “I was spanked and I turned out just fine” will be difficult for me to take seriously. Research has come a long way. You don’t paint your home with lead-based paint. You don’t use a drop-side crib. You make your child ride in a car seat. Let’s take the same proactive, educated approach when it comes to discipline.

If you’re still thinking, “Well, I was spanked and I turned out fine,” I’ll leave you with this quote from the American Academy of Pediatrics:

“It is true that many adults who were spanked as children may be well-adjusted and caring people today. However, research has shown that, when compared with children who are not spanked, children who are spanked are more likely to become adults who are depressed, use alcohol, have more anger, hit their own children, hit their spouses, and engage in crime and violence. These adult outcomes make sense because spanking teaches a child that causing others pain is OK if you’re frustrated or want to maintain control—even with those you love. A child is not likely to see the difference between getting spanked from his parents and hitting a sibling or another child when he doesn’t get what he wants” (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2012).

Read the full article here.

Wait…I feel immaturity coming on.  I have to say it — I wasn’t spanked and I turned out fine!  Okay, now back to adulthood. 😉

Let the comments begin! I’m interested in your opinion.

Note:  If you think your discipline may be out of control, click here for a list of signs that you may need help. You may be surprised.

Food, Water and Attachment (re-post)

*Note — This is a post I wrote for my old blog, but I think it is worth sharing again.

Yep, it’s that important.

There are few, if any, aspects of infant/toddler development more important than the child’s attachment relationship to his parent or other primary caregiver.  Secure attachment provides a healthy and secure base for the child to learn how to appropriately respect, relate to, and interact with others.

“But,” you wonder, “what exactly is attachment?”

Attachment theory is credited to child psychiatrist, John Bowlby, and psychologist, Mary Ainsworth.  To learn more about Bowlby and Ainsworth, click here.  Here’s a very brief breakdown of what they discovered:

Attachment is the emotional bond that forms between an infant and her primary caregiver (typically the mother).  An attachment figure provides the baby with feelings of security, comfort, consistency, and happiness.  As the infant grows into a toddler, she uses her attachment figure as a secure base from which to explore the world she’s discovering.  When the baby is separated from her attachment figure, she typically experiences distress and fear.

Secure attachment is what you want for your child.  There are three other types of attachment: avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized.  These are insecure and unhealthy attachment patterns and often result in emotional issues in later childhood and adulthood.  They are not conducive to optimal development.  If you want to learn what these patterns look like, this website gives a brief breakdown of them.

In short, a secure attachment relationship during early childhood is crucial in order for your infant to develop healthy relationships over the course of the rest of his life.

No pressure, right?  🙂

Relax.  You are likely already engaging with your infant in ways that help create a secure attachment — picking him up when he cries; feeding him when he’s hungry; changing his diapers; talking, reading, and singing to him; holding him (babies thrive when they have physical contact); and picking up on his cues.  These things (the things you’re already doing...go you!!) are the best ways to create a secure attachment with your infant.  As long as you are responding to your infant consistently, appropriately, and lovingly, you’ve got this attachment thing down. Click here to read, “Bonding with Your Baby,”(a great article!) for more information about ways to create a secure attachment with your infant.

Some people tend to believe that in order to foster independence in an infant or toddler, they must limit how quickly they respond to the infant’s needs and avoid consistently responding to all  of their needs.  They think they will “spoil” the baby.  Actually, the opposite is true.  Research proves that babies whose needs are met in consistent and loving ways develop a more positive self-image and become more independent and more secure adults than babies whose needs are met inconsistently or unreliably (who tend to act out in ways we might define as “spoiled”).

 To sum up, I basically just told you that there is no such thing as holding your baby too much (as if you needed a reason to hold your baby) — so go ahead and ignore those people who tell you you’re “spoiling” your infant…that’s really pretty hard to do.  In several years you can prove them wrong anyway with the secure, independent, caring little human you’ve raised.